Thank god I study porn and not love

I went to a Sexsploration talk this week with Dr. Helen Fisher, otherwise known as the chemistry.com lady.

Dr. Fisher invented that personality test you take before you sign up for chemistry or match.com; you know the one that tells you you’re a reckless explorer with a heart of gold and steely disposition. It’s that fool proof test that tells you who you “are” and who you should date with such conviction, with all the fool proof backings of “science,” that you almost believe it, mainly because you want to believe it.  You, me, we are desperately hoping someone can tell us who we are and just what the fuck we should be looking for in a mate.

And to be honest, Dr. Fisher’s talk was charming and made me want to believe life fit into her four even categories of explorer, builder, negotiator and director. But her science was…well…lacking. She tried to link each category with a brain system (dopamine, serotonin, estrogen and testosterone.) Except other than “rational thought” I couldn’t understand why she determined each system went with each list of characteristics, nor that some people have more engaged serotonin systems and therefore are more “buildery.”

Her talk made me wary of trying to fit things into boxes because we want to shove them away and tie them up with a bow. Not shockingly, this is what academia does. It gets a bunch of data, lumps it together and then cuts off the arms and the legs to make it fit into a theory. So here we are…a bunch of stubs with some really brilliant heads.

Good lord that is a hideous analogy.

The thing is that may work for Dr. Fisher and maybe academia in general but that doesn’t work for love.

After Dr. Fisher’s talk I came home and immediately tried to classify my exes. “Oh he was such a builder! No wonder it didn’t work out.” But the more I did this the more I just exhausted my heart. No one neatly fit into boxes. And the ways we worked and the ways we didn’t have very little to do with our brain systems and more to do with the x factor, that thing Dr. Fisher still really hasn’t discovered, the mystery that makes love delicious.

And to be honest it is something I wouldn’t want to spend my life looking for because not knowing is what makes love magic.

Luckily I’m studying porn, the place mystery and magic go to die. My soul may dullen from too many cum shots but at least my heart will always believe in a little love to make it all worthwhile.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s