How a 28 year old grad student picks out a Halloween costume…

Internal stream of conscience:

[scene: Goodwill in quasi small liberal university Midwestern town; a feministy 28 year old grad student is rummaging through rows of ugly vests]

I really want to finally be Annie Hall this year. I’ve always wanted to be Annie Hall. The honesty in that movie in just brilliant. Although now that I think about it, Annie Hall really is the first archetype of the manic pixie girl. Do I really want to embody that shit for the night? I mean she is basically a 90s version of Zoey Dechannel and that girl really gets under my skin. And these vests are $5! I mean $5! That is a six-pack of PBR tall boys. Maybe I could be the ermahgerd girl from that one meme. I think I have some goosebumps books at home. But I would have to get a pig. I can’t be ermahgerd girl without pig tails. This pixie cut is killing me. But a wig is like what, $15?! That is like a 24 pack of PBR. Okay skip the wig. Beer is definitely more important. Dude I’ve got to get out of this goodwill. I think I’ve been talking outloud for the past 5 minutes.

[scene: typical grad student home filled with cheap furniture and Warhol posters with a woman surfing the internet with an increasingly worried expression on her face.]

What should I google? Lazy costumes? Cheap costumes? Cheap costumes women with a pixie cut can pull off? Dude I’m not going to be Miley Cyrus! I would really love to be Tina Fey or Amy Poehler. Maybe I could be Leslie from Parks and Rec! God dammit I would still need a wig. Wait there is Amy Poehler dressed up as Rosie the Riveter. Rosie the Riveter! That is brilliant. But is that too cliché. I mean the feminist being Rosie the Riveter. That is kind of boring. Plus I don’t want to buy a new denim shirt and mine is definitely the long hipster version. Hold the freaking phone! What if I was a hipster Rosie the Riveter. I have some hipster-esque glasses from that Mad Men party a few years ago. I could wear those and carry around PBR. A cheap costume that requires me to drink PBR all night! SOLD!

*note that nowhere in this thought process does “is that sexy” come into play. Thankfully something happens in between 18 and 28 where showing 60% of your breasts stops being an essential accessory to any Halloween costume. #thanktheheavens


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