Fast Sex, Slow Love

I wrote a little thing in the RedEye about how casual fast sex doesn’t mean the end of love. But that we have to change the gendered stereotypes we have connected to casual sex so that it stops getting in the way of our love!

“With all this social conditioning tied to sex, we end up with feelings after sex that have little to do with the actual sex and everything to do with how society tells us we should feel about the sex. And those feelings often are not linked to love but to shame or ego-tastic pride or even hate.

But if, as Fisher suggests, times are changing and more people are starting to embrace sex as part of the path to love, then maybe we can shed all this extra weight of the gendered “shoulds” of sex. Maybe if sex could be just sex—something that could mean the start of something awesome but more likely means a decent roll in the hay and a new pancake recipe—then as human beings we would be more free to explore and create our romantic love and attachment.”

check it out here

Here’s to the losers

Someone reminded me today that sometimes it is hard to be the one fighting in the rink, the one risking it, the one challenging the status quo, for lack of a better word sometimes it is hard to be a maverick. Often, it is so difficult because you fail, you lose, you go in full of luster and you still fall sort. But it is worth it, because you live life, because you are trying. Trying really in the end is what it is all about.

Here is some Garfunkel and Oats to remind us of this in song form. It is always better to try and lose than to not try.

The Future of Women in Porn

Last week I wrote a piece exploring the possible future role of women in porn. As much as is possible in a 500-word popular press piece written for 20-somethings, I tried to express the nuances of this whole feminism and porn intersection. So often when talking about porn we are forced to put either “pro” or “anti” in front of our names. After studying porn for going on two years now, I have found myself see-sawing between the two unrealistic dichotomies, now settling on the fact that porn, like many media, is flawed but redeemable. I strongly believe in creating fair trade porn, porn that incorporates fair working conditions, shatters existing sexist and racist tropes in porn and creates sexier, more realistic images of sex and pleasure. Of course people will disagree and many will form opinions without even reading the piece. But I really hope we can get off the opposing warring sides of this “porn debate” and start having some fruitful conversations about the future of women in pornography.

To read the full piece click here.